As many of you may know, this year's commencement speech for the 2008 graduating class will be delivered by talk-show host and media-mogul Oprah Winfrey. The very inspirational speaker will be advising Stanford students and buoying them with confidence as they prepare to enter the real-world. Many hope that she will be giving away cars to the entire graduating class, but we honestly doubt it. The bigger news, however, has been the growing relations between Winfrey and Stanford President John Hennessy. It is supposed that Hennessy utilized his wit and vast knowledge of computers to seduce Winfrey into giving the commencement speech. Since news of the speech arrived, the two have often been seen together. In fact, they were recently sighted playing a competitive two person game of frisbee golf before playfully cuddling on the grass in the Oval. They pranced, danced, and caressed like two little lovebirds. It is further assumed that their constant interaction is also the result of planning for a surprise of theirs to be unveiled at the June 15th speech. We have heard, through the grapevine, that this surprise is a superior being by the name of HenPrah. The extremely ambitious pair have decided to combine strands of their DNA to create an all-powerful creature. A superman of sorts. We believe that this god-like entity will actually deliver the commencement speech in Oprah's place and then go on to conquer the known-world.